


Choose

by kho



Series: Choose [2]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love Triangles, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 03:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10235174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: He knows it’s Mike behind him without having to turn around.  He always knows.  If he looks in the window instead of beyond it at the skyline, he’d see Mike’s reflection, but he doesn’t have to do that either.  He just knows.  He just intrinsically knows whenever Mike is anywhere around him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I was going to write smut.... and this happened and broke my heart instead. Thought it was finally gonna be my cheating fic, but it didn't quite work out that way and also? The dang sex didn't happen. But I love what did happen though.

He knows it’s Mike behind him without having to turn around.  He always knows.  If he looks in the window instead of beyond it at the skyline, he’d see Mike’s reflection, but he doesn’t have to do that either.  He just knows.  He just intrinsically knows whenever Mike is anywhere around him.  

What he doesn’t know, is  _ why  _ he always knows.

“Don’t turn around,” Mike says softly, quietly, and then there are two hands on Harvey’s shoulderblades, steadying him, keeping him from shifting.  “There are things…  I need you to not turn around.”

“Why,” Harvey asks, but he won’t.  He’ll stay in this spot and look at the 80th floor of the building across from them as long as Mike wants him to, and he doesn’t need to know why to do it.  He needs Mike to think he needs to know though.  “Does it give you better access to insert the knife back there?”

“Because,” Mike says, and Harvey sucks in a sharp breath of air as Mike steps closer to him, lining up their bodies, leaning into him from head to toe.  “If you turn around it makes it real.  If you turn around and I have to look at your eyes I can’t…”  Mike pauses, runs his fingers down Harvey’s back from his shoulders to his waist, curls his fingers around to frame his hips.  “I miss you.”

Harvey’s eyes close.  “Mike.”

“I miss you.”

“We said we wouldn’t do this,” Harvey whispers, leaning his head forward until it rests on the glass before him.  

“You said,” Mike whispers, his lips against Harvey’s neck, hot breath ghosting over Harvey’s skin.  “ _ You _ said we wouldn’t do this anymore.”

“I’m not gonna be your dirty little secret, Mike.”

“Nothing’s dirty about what we did, Harvey,” Mike says, gripping harder as Harvey tries to shift, get out from under Mike’s grip.  “Nothing’s dirty, and nothing was secret.”

“Just because Rachel knew doesn’t make it okay,” Harvey says, straightening and staring out of the window.  Trying like hell to put his walls back up.  “I’m not this thing you fuck on the side to distract you from how bored you are of your perfect little cookie cutter life.”

“Perfect,” Mike says, laughing bitterly into Harvey’s neck, burying his face into his back.  “What the hell, Harvey, what the  _ fuck _ is perfect in my life?  I’ve been searching my entire life to find my spot, to find where the hell I belonged, and I finally find it but it’s with two people.”

Harvey feels his sneer twist ugly on his face.  Doesn’t look at the reflection because he knows he won’t like what he sees back.  “Poor Mike.”

“Goddamnit, Harvey, this isn’t easy for me,” Mike whispers, pressing his mouth just below Harvey’s hairline.  “I love you.”

“You love her.”

“Yes,” Mike says, his hands gripping Harvey’s hips tighter.  “I love her, and I love you, and one has nothing to do with the other.  Me loving her doesn’t mean I love you any goddamn less.”

Harvey takes a deep breath, wills his heart to stop pounding in his chest.  “You love me?”  Turning around, he faces Mike, lets all of his bitterness, all of his anger, show in his eyes.  Doesn’t hold back when Mike visibly flinches away.  “Then choose me.  Pick me.   _ Only _ me.”

Mike has tears in his eyes and Harvey at one point had taken comfort in that.  Now it just hurts worse.  “I can’t.”

“I know,” Harvey says, breathing in deeply through his nose, closing his eyes, counting to ten in his head.  “You can’t.  And you shouldn’t.  So stop  _ doing this _ ,” he says, and jerks out of Mike’s grip, moves halfway across his office just to get some breathing room.  The air is so thick in here, the walls are too near.

“Why,” Mike asks, voice broken.  He stands there hunched in on himself and it’s not an act, Harvey knows that every single inch of that pain is real.  There’s just not a goddamn thing he can do about it.  “Why can’t we just go back to what we were before?  Why can’t we be the three of us, Harvey, why did you have to back out?”

“You know why,” Harvey bites out, hands clenching.

“No, I don’t.  I don’t understand why we can’t just all be together and happy again!  Rachel understands.”

Harvey looks at him, arches an eyebrow.  “She understands, but does she like it? Was she happy about it, Mike?  Because from the second it started, she stopped looking me in the eye.”

Mike gets angry then.  The anger always comes.  “Well if that’s true then why the fuck did you ever go through with it? Why did you kiss me, why did you fuck me?  Why did you let me fall deeper and deeper in love with you, if Rachel’s happiness meant shit to you?  Huh?  Because if it was from second one, then why didn’t you end it second two?!”

“Because I’m a selfish goddamn asshole and I wanted mine for goddamn once,” Harvey yells, charging forward.  “I knew it was wrong, I knew it wasn’t gonna last, but I goddamn wanted it!”

Mike’s own fists are clenched but he meets Harvey’s eyes and steps closer himself.  “I know you love me, Harvey.”

“Yes,” Harvey screams, losing his own battle against himself to keep his emotions in check as he feels himself start to bleed from the inside out.  “I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you.”

“Then why--”

“Because you love her, and it’s her you’re going to marry,” Harvey says, feeling tears build behind his eyes but willing, willing,  _ willing _ them to stay at bay.  “And it’s her that’s having your baby.”

Mike reaches up to cup Harvey’s face in his hands and Harvey knows he’ll cave.  He’ll always cave for Mike.  He will always, always give in to those eyes, that mouth, but more than anything…. More than everything, that heart.  “I miss you.”

“I don’t want it like this.”

The voice comes out of nowhere, because when it’s Mike and Harvey it’s always  _ only _ Mike and Harvey, so Rachel’s sudden presence startles them both.  

Mike recovers his voice first.  “Rachel.”

“I don’t want you miserable, Harvey,” Rachel says, stepping forward, locking eyes with him.  “I never wanted that.”

“I’m fine, Rachel,” Harvey starts.

“You’re not, and neither is he,” Rachel says, stopping three feet away from them.  “I never wanted him to choose me because I’m pregnant.”

“That’s not why,” Mike says.

“It is,” she says, giving Mike a look.  “Look, I know.  I know you love me, but you love him too, and you were happy.  Of the three of us, you were always the one that was happiest with the arrangement we had.”  She bites her lip and looks at Harvey before looking back at Mike.  “And you never would have chosen me because you never would have chosen  _ at all _ .  Except I got pregnant, and Harvey backed out.”

“Rachel.”

“So I’m gonna make things real clear here, Mike,” Rachel says, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.  “I will never keep this baby from you, you will always be his or her father, no matter what.  But you’re not choosing me because you have to.”  Mike starts to speak but Rachel shuts him down with a look.  “You’re not staying with me because you can’t leave me.”

Harvey swallows.  “What are you saying?”

Rachel lets out a breath and shakes her head.  “I’m saying I’m done.  Mike, you’re gonna have to choose who you want to be with once and for all.  Because I’m not happy being half of who you want.”  She gestures to Harvey and he nods, and she smiles softly back.  “And neither is he.”

Mike stands there for a moment.  “Rachel.”

“I’ll make it work,” she says, crossing her arms in front of her as she backs up a step.  “I’ll be fine.  I got along fine before you and I’ll get along fine after you, and I’ll get past the pain and the hurt of you choosing him over me if that’s what you decide, we’ll raise our kid together or apart just the same.  But I’m not gonna be not enough for you anymore.”

Harvey finds himself smiling and remembering just why exactly he’d always liked Rachel.

“You’re not not enough,” Mike says, and Harvey knows he means it.  Harvey thinks Rachel probably knows too.  That’s just not good enough anymore.  “I just love you both.  I love you both so much.”

Rachel shakes her head.  “Choose.”

Mike’s mouth works open a few times and then he looks over at Harvey.

Harvey nods.  “Choose.”

“But not right now,” Rachel says softly.  “Right now, I’m hungry.  Let’s go have dinner.”

“Okay,” Mike says quietly, looking down at the ground.

“I was talking to Harvey,” Rachel says.  She grins when Mike and Harvey both turn shocked looks to her.  “Okay, fine, I was having a little fun there.  But I did mean both of you.”

“I have to finish up,” Harvey starts, but get’s interrupted by Rachel.

“You’re coming,” she says, stepping forward to grab his hand in hers, tugging him forward.  “Come on.  I’m tired of looking at you like the opposing counsel.”

Harvey looks at her and sees nothing but sincerity and leans forward to kiss her on the cheek.  

“Me too.”


End file.
